I can eat. I can eat a lot. I am not one of those people who easily lose my appetite. I am not a picky eater. I was brought up to stuff my face when I felt bad. My Russian baba encouraged me to enter eating contests with my two hundred pound uncle when I was ten. Then in the next breath, she would call me fat.
And so— my relationship with food is conflicting and confusing. I read a lot about health and clean eating. I am well versed in how to feed myself and my family in a healthy way. But. I can’t stop eating the bad stuff. I am helpless. For me my food addiction is almost as bad as an addict’s drug addiction.
I have tried many different diets over the years, when I was that same perogie-eating ten-year -oid, I tried grapefruit pills to lose weight. Although looking back at some of my childhood eating problems, I realize a parent probably should have told me not to eat forty perogies at one sitting–or were they all in the background cheering me on? I am unclear about this memory. But I do still love perogies, and sometimes I eat grapefruit for breakfast.
Eating is such a basic need but our society has made it into a recreational sport. We cook to not only feed ourselves but somehow it fills a spiritual void. Food some say can feed our soul. We feed our children and we feed the birds. We can’t stop feeding each other. it is a natural instinct that has run amok. For me, eating and snacking is like having a pleasure switch that I can’t turn off.
I read somewhere that the best way for women to lose weight is to be accountable. To join a group and have back up. No perogy will get eaten without a sister there to talk you down. “Step away from that dumpling !”she will say in an encouraging voice. “It’s okay, you’re safe here with friends. Here,have an almond instead”.
I think I may have to look into this.
Signing off, from the Fat Lady.( besides I’m out of almonds.)