Babies Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Drive.

Babies Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Drive.


I don’t think babies should be allowed to drive.

I mean they are only infants after all.

Their little bald heads can barely see over the steering wheel. And their soothers can only be considered a hazard, especially if they fall out and they have to duck under the dash to fish it out from the floor of the car, all covered in dried Cheerios and other processed snack food in the shape of eyeless fish or dinosaurs.

And who will change their diapers when they are in the middle of gridlock at rush hour? Will they begin to whimper and bawl all snotty nosed and eyes unable to see through all the saltiness of their little itty bitty baby tears?

I mean really! It is really not a good thing to let these wee little unformed adults behind the wheel. They can’t even read or write for gawd sake’s. How can they read the word STOP on a sign-or the one’s that say CAUTION, FROST HEAVES AHEAD? It makes my nerves all jingly- jangly just thinking about the consequences of having these little drooling creatures making a left hand turn off of Macleod Trail around supper time.

And where are their parents? Off having Chocolate martinis I suspect at happy hour somewhere. Unable to drive themselves, instead of getting behind the wheel to pick up their little ones from the sitter’s. And what’s next? Kittens clutching the steering wheel with their little litter box encrusted paws taking illegal U turns to whiz over to the 7 eleven when they need a tin of tuna, if their owner has been forgetful or have decided to cut corners by only purchasing cheap dried kibble.



This piece has been written by one stricken parent whose youngest “infant” daughter somehow wrangled an official driver’s license from the Province of Alberta on her first go around. It seems impossible to me, as she was just a gurgling baby that spent all of her time chewing on her toes just a blink ago.


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